Trusting God and Overcoming Fear

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

As a 27 year old teenager, there is an added layer of difficulty in today’s world to make friends. So much of our world is digitalized that when it comes to talking to people in real life, transferring social skills to the real world feels like.. a lot.

Where do people my age hang out? Most people in my age range fall into a few of the following categories:

1. Dating someone
2. Married
3. Married With Kids

When you are dating someone, they become like a built in best friend. If you are married you are married to that friend and you may hang out with other people on occasion but typically married birds of a feather tend to flock together. When you are married with kids? Forget about it. Your whole world revolves around the schedules of tiny little humans you have to keep alive, kids also become (most) peoples entire personality trait and rightfully so.

Unfortunately when you fall into the 1% of the single, no kids crowd you tend to not have as much in common as you are in a different seasons of life. Which is where I find myself right now.

Part of my 2024 New Years goals are to be more social. Step 1? Put myself out there. Where is there? Literally anywhere.

In 2022 my phrase of the year was “Say Yes.” Obviously within reason, but this little phrase led me on many wonderful adventures meeting so many wonderful people! In 2023 my word of the year was “Grow” and irronically lost all momentum from my “Say Yes” year and resorted back to my hermit crab ways. I didn’t go out much at all, I didn’t talk to anyone beside my family, and to be honest I had no desire to. It felt like my spark had dulled.

At the end of 2023 I was so tired of being lonely, my craving for friends, community, and socialization began to grow (there’s that word coming in at the 11th hour). My mom the whole year reminded me it’s important to surround yourself with likeminded people, people who lift you up, and help you grow. Her answer? Church.

As a christian girl who grew up lacking a lot of confidence and trying lots of churches I experienced the dreaded “church hurt”. The churches I tried already had groups of friends who had lived there their whole life, my brain bullying me into thinking how could I possible fit in mixed with my lack of confidence gave off weird energy and in return I was anti social. I didn’t talk much, I didn’t have a lot in common with the people my age, I was quiet. I didn’t enjoy it. Middle school/teenage me knew you go to church for God, but being a tween I also want to be included, fit in, and have friends.

I wrote off church for a long time, afraid to try again. Afraid I would go with high hopes and come home reminded of those feelings lying dormant. Feelings of not fitting in. My brother felt the same way about church, we just didn’t have a lot in common with the people we were around. Fast forward to 2023 and mom saying to me throughout the entirety of 2023 that I should try church again, not all churches are the same and just because you felt those feelings before doesn’t mean you will feel them again. As the hardheaded child I am I protested with every reason and plan to find friends elsewhere and my own way.

It’s funny how we think we know what’s best for us, the whole time God is watching and probably thinking “my goodness my child, you are stubborn”. I tried a new church by myself and was still met with this empty feeling, it still wasn’t the welcoming envireonment I was looking for, it just didn’t feel right. God let me run out all of my options until finally one day at work a coworker of mine made a comment about church, I asked her which church she went to and she said “You should come to my church, try it out!”

With my mom already in full support and my brother struggling with the same feelings of craving friendship and community as I was (and we didn’t even know the other was feeling that way literally at the same time) we talked about it and united as siblings to take on the mission: trying a new church.

It was nice trying a church where I already knew someone and not having to walk into it blindly. Having my brother there and supporting each other also made the mission a lot easier. The day came: our first day of church. I walked in surprising calm, I had prayed about it in the car on the way there and walking in I felt a sense of peace fall over me. We tried the main service the first Sunday which was amazing! They played one of my favorite Christian songs during praise and worship and it felt like God was saying “Hi Haley, I’m so glad you are here.”

The next Sunday was the real test: small groups. My brother being the outgoing social butterfly he is was very excited to walk right into class! Me on there other hand.. panicked. Standing in the hallway 3 feet from the class door peering through the window, all of those “church hurt” feelings came rushing back. “What if they are cliquey? What if they don’t like me? What if I’m weird and don’t talk and then no one talks to me? What if everything else about church is fun but this group where I can make friends doesn’t work out?” All this thoughts of doubt and fear flooded my mind within seconds. Light headed and scared I told my brother I was leaving to go to the main service and if he wanted to try class he could.

Calmly and with utter stillness, my brother looked at me and could see the real visceral fear in my face – “Come on let’s go together. Let’s just try. Come on Haley.”

It’s hard to explain but I feel like it was God speaking through him right to me in that moment. The enemy attacked so hard right there in church I almost ran away, but thanks to God, my mom, and my brother working together to get me to that moment, I took a deep breathe and walked in. Best. Decision. Ever. They welcomed us with open arms from the first day, included us in their events since the first day we met them. It felt right, easy, God written.

Amazing things can happen when you trust God, when you say yes, when you take a step trusting God is walking right there next to you. Blessings and adventure are right on the other side of your comfort zone. When you hear the phrase “God works in mysterious ways”, I tell you as my testimony, things could not have lined up more perfectly. You look at life and it can only be God. Certain people get introduced into your life right when you need them, you’re a few minutes late to a pizza party, you walk out of church at just the right time. All the pieces falling into place is no coincidence at all, that is God moving and working right there in your life.

Everything I prayed for, everything my mom talks about, friends, community, doors opening. Like the best domino effect ever created all happening with just a little faith. I’m not saying I don’t fear or doubt any more no no no, I pushed back against God’s plan a couple times since that first day of church, thankfully God kept pursuing me and pushing right back with me, blessed me with my brother to not only be there with me but to re affirm everything is okay and to ground me when I want to take off, and blessing me with my Proverbs 31 mom giving me outside perspective and wisdom that sometimes it’s not always what it seems and to keep trying and praying through it.

As a 27 year old, I have to remind my self to throw out the worldly rule book and to focus on the real rule book given to us by the creator of the universe Himself, the Bible. Everyone grows at their own pace and God has a plan for my life. I don’t need to rush anything. I don’t have to worry about making friends, trying to control situations, or anything for that matter because God has it all under control and his plan is so so SO much better than ANYTHING I could even dare to dream up. I’m so thankful to be the daughter of a King who loves me so much even through the doubt and the fear.

Happy New Year 2024! Here’s to trusting God, consistency, and saying yes to new adventures and opportunities.

– H